Maṅgala.

Bandung,  10.31 pm.

Once I’ve said that : “..and now, I feel like I’m in a really really weird spot.”

Well, I really really mean it. Like literally.

These days, I have come to a conclusion that in everybody’s life, there is one undeniable, yet undescribable moment of change: it’s like a set of circumstances, a cycle,  or whatever you call it – that really changes everything. It suddenly hits you right at your deepest heart, and alters everything.

Nobody wasn’t exactly sure where, when, or why it happened, neither do I, or even just to tell you a little answer of your buried question, yes, it haunts, but no. I’m keen on that statement where they might say: that there are some things are better to be left unsaid.

And all I knew for sure was that right here and now, I was falling hard that I could only think what kind of better words to say here to you. That I was falling hard that I couldn’t think of anything else but… yes.

It is such a strange feeling, yet  a glorious one. The way our lives turn out, those kind of moments of pretty good cycles, circumstances, when later mixed with your conscious feelings, or even actions, with a full-glass of hope, can eventually create a future that seems predestined.

I see people nowadays think that relationships mean having butterflies forever, and a lot of posts are showing off how happy they are now, like how your heart beating faster and faster when your bae walk into a room, your legs intertwined, that you’d be so freaking happy to live together you’d sleep and cuddle together every night on your freaking king-size bed.

But then… It’s not really like that, well, at least, not to me.

To me,  it’s more like your heart no longer rushes up when you see them, instead, everything feels more secure. It calms you up, and when you live together, you stop getting butterflies, but instead, the sound of their breathing brings you comfort. Those roller coaster moments will stop eventually, and you’ll finally reach a point how it feels like…to be home. Kisses and hugs are not always firey anymore, and you don’t text each other like you used to, but remember, instead of doing all that, you’ve moved on to some silly jokes about the life you’ve built together. It’s not always about fairy tale and sparks. But they’re much like a slow rhythm and hum of love and care, comforting you as you slowly drift into sleep.

And that's how i fell hard.